"I am studying calculus 2... ugh, and it's such a pain in the ass. A useless pain in the ass!"
My first reaction was to answer that there is no such thing as useless pain. I didn't know where this came from, but all I knew is that it was an intuitive and almost evident statement.
My cousin was referring to the boredom she felt studying while she could have been doing something oh so much more...let's say, fun! But, when I read this text message, it just linked back to all the deepest suffering a human has to go through a lifetime, which is often as useless... if not more! It got me thinking... Can't we simply deal with life without suffering? Is it an essential aspect of our life?
Than another friend, with whom I usually have very spiritual discussions, was debating on the fact that our lives are all predestined, that everything is already written for us. Honestly, I have my own specific point of view regarding "destiny" but if she is right, and everything is already planned, than why are we taking these hard times so personally and seriously? If everything is already known, and there is no other way around, why are we working hard? Or scared? Or constantly over-thinking?
What is suffering? Do we choose to suffer? Is it all in our mind, so we'd be the ones controlling it? Are we all natural sadochists? Is there a way we could avoid suffering? And would that be healthy?
I know it is going to sound very "emo", but I love pain. And I know, that if we all get really honest with our own self and think about it seriously, we can always find something weirdly exquisite in the concept of suffering. And I can't explain it. It doesn't seem to make sense...but it does.
Our pain is in our mind. Our mind decides to let us feel it. It's a sensation, just like pleasure. I believe it has the same nature, as I always felt there is such a fine line between these two, a very fine line. It's just as if your mind decides at the very last second if this should be identified as enjoyable or painful. But the existence of the sensation is real and it comes from the same source.
And it's beautiful.
Our mind needs to go crazy and loose control in order for it to refocus on the important direction, to be aware of its own nature and limits. Our heart needs to be broken, to be thorn apart and smashed, in order for us to know its value. Our body has to hurt from time to time. It is its only way to express itself, loud and clear, as if it's crying out loud for love and affection.
And it's beautiful.
In chemistry, when two substances get in contact, there is something happening, there is a reaction, which leads to a transformation. Something needs to happen. Both substances had the potential to "become", it's their unconscious knowledge, that needed to be triggered. Something needs to happen, a reaction, which is the uncomfortable experience, in order to become this transformation, to change and be aware of the potential they both had. Same goes for us, as much as we know what we should do, what we are meant to do, what is the good thing to do, we need to be in contact with reality and to let this reaction explode in us, to let it blow our whole existence, in order to see this transformation.
And it's beautiful.
Sometimes, it's the only way we got shaken up so hard, so that we finally understand. Finally understand what people have been telling us for years. We knew it, deep down. But it's boring to simply acknowledge it and accept it as it is. The human is a practical being, it needs to feel and live things in order to understand them completely. So the aspect of "good" and "bad" is a very abstract ideology. It sinks in our unconscious until we allow ourself to get in touch with it. To live it, without fear. And when you surpass this fear of the unknown, it takes courage. Because daring to experience the truth, your own truth, is painful. So when you accept the fact that you are going to suffer eventually to quench your thirst of curiosity, you receive that uppercut punch right in your stomach when you were the least expecting it.
And this shakes your whole body up. Your bones, your nerves, your organs. Your blood changes temperature for a millisecond. Your heart skips a beat. Or two. Or it simply forgets its task. Your brain doesn't know how to function anymore. You hallucinate. Your eyes see foggy. Your electromagnetic field is confused. You choke, completely. Like the big technology crash we were all panicking about in 2000? Well, this is the real shit. It happened. A complete disconnection, a loss of network. The black whole.
You're all shaken, your body, your mind, your soul.
And it's beautiful.
YES, it's beautiful!
Ironic, isn't it? Painful and beautiful?
Life is ironic, the whole concept of being alive is ironic. Our existence is pure irony, since we are not getting alive out of it anyways. And still, it's beautiful! Everything is beautiful, and everything includes the stuff we were conditioned to see as bad, as wrong or ugly. Life includes every little thing around us, every smell, every touch, every single color, even the ones our eyes can't see, down to the very atom level of the oxygen we breathe... everything. And the core of everything is beauty. Existence itself can't be anything else than love and beauty.
So the very existence of pain itself is beauty.
If pain is beauty, don't be scared of it. Embrace it. And most importantly, don't hate its factors. Don't blame the assholes for being in the friendzone, don't blame your ex for your current emotional instability, don't blame yourself for actions you should have taken or your parents for the missed opportunities. Instead, be grateful for all these pain activators. It makes you suffer? Good! You need it. You are human after all.
Take it and learn. Take it and absorb it until you are confortable with this pain. Accept it and deal with it. Let it guide you. Let it teach you. Let it lighten you. Let it transform you.
Let it transform you. It is going to hurt.
Beautifully. Exquisitely.
Haven't you ever read this little story of the man who has been seen to constantly knock his head against a wall? Someone came to him and asked why is he inflicting this suffering upon himself.
"I wanna hurt myself because it's painful, and when I'll stop it's going to feel good."
I am not saying let's all search for all the painful situations and suffer forever!! I am just trying to demystify the benefits of pain in our life, since we can't really escape from it, can we? I'd rather see it as beautiful, in case you haven't realized it yet! :)
I wonder what the caterpillar transforming into a butterfly feels? I would guess it's not an easy transformation. It probably thinks that it is dying, agonizing slowly in the dark.
And we all know what happens next. Or wait... do we?
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